DW60: The Ballad of the Brain of Morbius

Far across the universe, it’s said,
There is a planet that all space travellers dread,
For if on Karn you should crash land,
It’s most unpleasant and,
There’s a chance you might end up without a head!

So, the Doctor arrives there with Sarah Jane,
He’s quite cross because it seems that, once again,
The Time Lords sent him on a mission,
Without prior permission,
To a dangerous location – what a pain!

The two best chums discover a dead body,
He’s been very badly treated, the poor sod, he,
Hasn’t been exterminated,
But rather decapitated,
Leaving them shaken and in need of a hot toddy.

Over the desolate landscape they both roam,
To the place Mehendri Solon calls his home,
With his brutish servant Condo,
Of heads he’s rather fond, so,
He drugs them and takes them to his surgery dome.

But the Doctor’s whisked away by several witches,
Whom his jokes completely fail to have in stitches,
They’re the Sisterhood of Karn,
And would you believe, by darn,
They want to sacrifice him – what a bunch of bitches!

Then Sarah turns up in the nick of time,
To save the Doctor from the Sisters’ wicked crime,
But her rescue has a sting,
She’s struck blind by Maren’s ring!
(In a sequence that’s extremely hard to rhyme).

Against their better judgement they go back,
To Solon’s castle to give curing her a crack,
But the scientist is insane,
And is more interested in a brain,
He’s kept in a jar of liquid out the back.

The brain belongs to Morbius, a Time Lord,
Who was hated by his people, not adored,
He was saved from death – what luck!
By Solon, who then stuck,
His brain upon a body he had stored.

The body was made of all kinds of salvaged parts,
And when it moves, it creaks and groans and squeaks and farts,
On its shoulders a glass bowl,
He looks a right arsehole,
And it’s at this point that the rampaging starts.

The Doctor brews gas and after one sniff,
Mehendri Solon turns into a stiff,
A Time Lord wrestling bout,
Puts the Doctor’s past in doubt,
Then the Sisters chuck the monster of a cliff.

The Doctor clears the chimney and the Sisterhood are chuffed,
Once more from their cave magic smoke can be puffed,
The mission’s done – oh brother!
And if the Time Lords want another,
The lot of them can jolly well get stuffed.


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